** This is one of my newest. (composed in late may)
I'll be honest, I have no idea why I wrote it. The words just came together like an easy puzzle. I love this poem, and I really hope everyone else does. I consider it one of my best and I'd be disappointed if it is a failure. But, not all poems are meant for greatness, huh?
Let's hope for the best. Comment guys.
Vanish
Barely alive.
I can feel the pounding of the searing pangs in my head.
Temporal distortion of a voice so melodious.
But your voice is unheard!
Like fangs,
doused in poison you are.
A wanton display of my deprivation gone awry.
Bask in its decadence.
Lost in thought,
numbing like the cold antithesis of warmth.
The obsession is unparalleled,
by wishes made black and twisted.
Scream it to the sky,
all for the weary eyes that speak,
the voices in our heads,
"This is not, how it's supposed to
be!"
Can I feel?
The pain of your heart beating away against the bone.
Don't be the sacrificial martyr,
to this insanity.
Perish the thought,
purge it away with the voice of tears
that melt away in the rain as nonexistence.
Erroneous.
Bear the blame.
For I am not strong enough to carry the burden alone.
We need each other to salt the wounds,
and cry out in desperation.
Scream it high!
My hopes and dreams fly with your song.
Your self degeneration cries,
"This is not, how it's supposed to
be!"
Vanish,
Disperse in the ephemeral with the cry, "I can't!"
My darling, smile just once more.
So that we might fade into the tomes of hope lost.
Together in agony.
Shout 'till heaven hangs over,
Eternal silence in the arms of warmth,
and now we might erase ourselves, with the words,
"This is not, how it's supposed to
be."
This one still remains questionable to me, but in a good way.
ReplyDeleteI think so of your best ones are the ones that you are not quite sure how to explain or understand why or how the idea came into your mind.
The way that the words flow out of your genius mind amazes me, and I truly think that you could go far with the talent that you hold.
Intriguing piece, the rhythm is somewhat chaotic, but after reading it, I find it mimicking a heartbeat as adrenaline courses through it. The faster it gets, the harder the beat and faster it beats.
ReplyDeleteI find it to be quite unique, and I get the feeling that if images were put to this, it would be a man trying to speak to someone dear or important to him. He tries to find the words to express himself, but his thoughts are jumbled, unable to clear up, and let him speak. The pauses are a little odd, to me, however, it is still a very good piece, very good. Keep up the good work
I like this, the repetition helps it and hurts it in my opinion. I would've used a different word each time when I wanted to say "Devil's Due". But the repetition is good, and the meaning comes out strong. This even brings a bit of memory of my own situation right now, but I feel like it's missing a bit of things that could've made it even better. I'd revise most of the middle, some of the beginning, but the end I like the most. Good job.
ReplyDeleteYou don't know what a villanelle is....do you?
ReplyDeletenot only that...you posted in the wrong place...thanks bunches. o.o
At least they tried. :3
ReplyDeleteI was just explaining
ReplyDelete"Vanish" I have to say has become my favorite poem. Ever. It relegates so very iridescently to my heart. As if it were a dream I once had.
ReplyDeleteI'll spare you my avid interpretation. Just to say how much fondness and admiration I have for these words, and to finding solace in another who shares that dream.
One thing to keep in mind about greatness...the words that relate to the most people will always be the most popular. However, your words should not be considered a failure if you feel they truly capture what you were trying to imprint in them. If others can see that and relate to it in any way, well that is wonderful, it will make your words popular.
If not, well that is wonderful in completely different way.
It feels like Ive been thrown into an epic novel...
ReplyDeleteMy brain turned this into a film.
ReplyDelete-holly