**This piece of work is quite weird. I f***ed the grammar up and all kinds of stuff for this. It was a 'screw you' to one of my teachers for calling me a 'druggy' because of my long hair.
Mellow
I long,
for bubble gum trees,
peppermint Suns,
and Powdered sugar clouds.
Can we walk in,
silly putty shoes,
driving play-dough cars,
on the malted milk free-way.
Why can't the basement be,
the milky way,
and enlightenment just the scent away.
Feeling great today
And I feeling nice right now,
but I forget,
I'm only feeling better right now
Truth is just a step away
The sickly swirls,
are only so nice for a time.
Because they all go away,
back to reality.
And I long,
for gum-drop leaves,
marshmallow Steves,
Tye-Dye Oceans,
and positive emotions.
And I'm feeling nice right now,
but I forget,
the truth is only a minute away.
I'll only be feeling better for right now.
I don't think I ever saw this one. :o
ReplyDeleteI really liked it! Probably one of the favorites. It flowed really nice and really fit with the title as well. I loved the sixth stanza. :]
It followed a pattern, but I suppose it's just not my type. I wasn't able to make it rhyme, though, if Maya is able to, I'm just not getting it right.
ReplyDeleteThat doesn't mean it's wrong, you can't put a grade on a piece of writing, for it's about expression.
Actually, i did find myself liking it to a degree, though if you hadn't explained what it was about, I probably wouldn't enjoy it as much.
I really loved this
ReplyDelete8D Its lovely.
-Kairn (:
Well, Aaron, keep in mind that the poem is about drugs.
ReplyDeleteAnd it is relatively free verse. Most of my poetry reflects that style.
As for my themes and such, this poem is more light-hearted at a glance; however, it reflects the ills of drug abuse.
I find the candy-land imagery fun and amusing also, even when conflicted with the ills of drug abuse.
ReplyDeleteA few words on grammar; grammar is a set of rules to allow for semantics to be uniformly understood. Just like a ruler is used in blueprints to be sure everyone will get the right measurements. But measuring lines isn't necessary in drawing art, just as grammar isn't necessary in writing; even if it has it's place in academia.
You should feel free to abuse grammar to obstruct meaning and obfuscate the semantics to mold and sculpt it as you see fit!