**This is my newest work. I must have written this on Friday. Zero edits thus far. I was playing with a child's perspective, hence the less than developed vernacular. What's it about? Again, your thoughts.
Farewell
Daddy said farewell when he went away.
He never said where he was going or if he'd stay.
But he never came back to us.
Daddy said he loved them before he left;
words they would hold dearly to their breast.
But they never felt it his reciprocation.
Daddy left a note for mommy that day.
he urged her not to worry or fret; he was okay.
But she broke down.
Brother said he was a villain, sister a hero.
Mommy said she hated him.
But they were only nursing their broken ego.
Mommy delighted when she got his letter.
But Daddy was already dead and gone.
And no one words could ever make it better.
It reminds me of a Father going away to war, never to return....Some would think him a villain for deserting them, some a hero for protecting him. And the youngest wouldn't understand.
ReplyDeleteAm I correct? I'd love to see more about this, despite the fact it's kinda sad, in a philosophical way..
I would agree with Aaron. It seems like its a take on a child's perspective of a father off to war.
ReplyDeleteVery simple, but very real, Ian.
Kinda makes me feel like it's one of those things when the little brother is too young to understand, and the family is having different points of view on things. Instead of a man leaving to war, or to the hospital, I find it as one of those writings where the father who still loves his children but is in one unhappy relationship, he leaves for a happier life. With that said, he leaves a note for his spouse, and she hates him for the fact that he left her with the kids. The older kids, speculate and share their points of view. The brother, probably more lawful, find him as a slug-ball. Seeing him as a sleaze who was only with their mom for the kicks and her putting out. The sister, more logical and seeing things from both perspectives, find him as a hero to be brave enough to leave before the parents cause an utter outbreak and possibly a huge rift in the family in totality. And, for the last part, the letter has money in it, which makes her delighted that he still cared a bit for her, and gave her something to build up on since he's going to be gone forever. And, for the last sentence, it shows how no one in the family could really erase the memories they made with their real father. The mother most likely kept the memories close to her, never finding a better man. As the children seeing it as him leaving "for awhile" though soon they will learn that he is never coming back.
ReplyDeleteCall me negative if you want, but that's just the way I see this poem.
Well it's a nice analysis, but a wrong one.
ReplyDeleteIt's actually a parallel to a family I heard of on the news that lost a father in Iraq. But I enjoyed it all the same.
However, I tried to make it obvious.
What struck me most about this was the second stanza, where you seemed to leave the child's perspective for those three lines.
ReplyDeleteYou start with "Daddy said" as if the child were speaking, but refer to "them" as opposed to "us" as if seeing the family from outside. Even if the child were speaking here and feeling confused and detached from the family, the word "reciprocation" demonstrates a developed vernacular that would not be expected from a small child confused over this farewell.
Also, it seems to me there is an " 's" missing from the last line, but that could be intentional, I never know.